


Lifetimes chasing you

by AnHufflepuffInTheTARDIS (Charlie_B_Duval)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 08:11:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie_B_Duval/pseuds/AnHufflepuffInTheTARDIS
Summary: The Master never really wanted to rule over anything other than the Doctor's hearts.





	Lifetimes chasing you

Another defeat, another time when the Doctor left him behind. It was what hurt the most. He didn't really care if his plans of world domination never worked; it never really was about that, really. All he had always wanted was the Doctor to see him, to acknowledge his existence. Nothing more.

 

Already, back at the Academy, his sabotage and pranks had been about Theta, always Theta, only Theta. At first, he hadn't understand himself. Theta was already his friend, his best friend, a friend that had killed for him. Why did he needed to assure himself that the other young Timelord was as devoted to him as he was Theta? They had swear multiple times that whatever would happen in the future, they would always be there for the other. So why?

It took two or three decades but he finally understood the depth of his feelings. It took twice that time for Theta to come to the same conclusion. It had already been to late.

The moment they exchanged their first kiss, he had knew the end would soon be here. He felt it. Theta had been oblivious – or acted it – and had spent their last decades at the Academy in a permanent state of bliss while him, Koschei, had felt the taint of the future in every kiss, every embrace, every caress.

So, he took everything he could while it lasted. He took, afraid that he would never be able to fill the void in his hearts, afraid that it would end before he had received enough love to last him a lifetime. He took everything he could and clung to it with all he had. He took and never gave.

 

It had been his first mistake. Theta had believed that he was the only one invested in their relationship; he had accused his of selfishness. Maybe he had been right. Maybe he had been selfish. But it had never been about himself; not really. It had been fear. His fear of losing Theta had caused his friend, his lover, to break up.

He pleaded, he begged. He tried to make amends. He cried, he screamed. He promised things would be different. He swore that he would change, that he would do whatever Theta wanted. He kicked, he threatened. Too late.

He hurt. When Theta turned his back to him. When Theta refused to listen. When Theta turned him down. When Theta accepted the bride chosen by Braxatiel. When Theta fled Gallifrey. He hurt.

 

He couldn't bear to hurt that much. He couldn't bear to see people being happy. Not when he was alone and hurting. He fled too, unable to put up with the memories of Theta, the Doctor, there.

 

He had planned their future for decades, maybe a century even. They would have marry, loom one or two children, the doctor would have teach while he would have pursue a political carrier. They would have been happy. But his friend had chosen another spouse, had loomed a son with that other person, had abandoned his teaching carrier nearly as soon as he had started it and had finally left him behind. Himself had never managed to pursue that political carrier he had dream of for so long. It was his first failed plan. When they should have been successful and respected members of the society, they were both now known as renegades.

 

He tried to take revenge on the universe, tried to lull the pain by destroying happy worlds, by hurting others. But nothing helped. Until he found the Doctor, exiled to an insignificant planet. It was his chance; this time his old friend wouldn't be able to flee, he would have to listen to him. He went to Earth, devised another plan. And failed. Again and again, he planned and the Doctor foiled his schemes. But he never truly considered those failures to be defeats. Because for a moment or two the Doctor's attention had been on him. For a couple of instants the Doctor noticed him.

 

He had lost hope of anything more a long time ago. He knew that they would never have the same relationship they had in the past though he still dreamed of it sometimes. As stupid and desperate as it sounded, his time imprisoned by UNIT had been some of the best time he had since their break up, for the Doctor had visited him plenty of times and they had talked like old friends, had been amiable for the first time since they both fled Gallifrey. He had cherished every instant the Doctor had looked at him, had talked to him, had teased him. Had smiled at him. He had never felt more alive than the time they had spare together.

 

Then they had both regenerated. Himself had reached the end of his regeneration cycle and things took a new turn. He still wanted the Doctor attention, but he also was desperate to survive and his behaviour changed. He was more erratic, more prompt to violence and all the progress he had done with the Doctor had been forgotten. His friend didn't trust him any more. Still, he tried to attract the Doctor's attention. Each of his plans was sillier or more desperate than the precedent. Madder.

 

Again and again, he tried to gain forgiveness from his former lover. Again and again, he pleaded. Again and again, he failed. More than once, it caused hi his life.

 

He had sacrificed himself to save the Doctor. But it didn't suffice. This new Doctor, so much older than he was, hadn't trust him. Had been horrified when he saw him. It had enraged him like never before. He had chased after him for a millennium and still the Doctor refused to see him, to understand what he was trying to say to him. So be it. He was done. The Doctor wanted him to be the enemy here? Then he'll be.

 

*

 

He managed to reach his TARDIS with difficulty, weakened by his blood loss. He felt the regeneration energy building. He also felt despair, fear, hollowness. What had he done? All this time, these centuries trying to regain the Doctor trust and he threw all his efforts because of pride and jealousy toward his future self? He sobbed as he regenerated. She stopped as she opened her new eyes. “Her”? It was new. She didn't remember how she ended on the female side of the population, she didn't remember anything after she escaped Gallifrey and the pocket dimension, but there was one thing that she was sure about, she would regain the Doctor's friendship that time around or she'll die trying. The time for silly games was over.

 


End file.
